i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Two words: blizzard sex
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
