This is not my ceiling
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
