There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
