And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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