Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
