as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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