I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
