were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
