I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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