i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
