Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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