Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
