I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
