Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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