I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
