Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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