hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i will never coherently bang her
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
