Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
