he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
