i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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