its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Randomize
