Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
