My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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