Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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