I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
