The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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