Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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