so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
