I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
