hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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