The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
