So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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