So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
