Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
