Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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