Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
