Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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