somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
