Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
