You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
