she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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