I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
