I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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