I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
