I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
