my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
