Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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