First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
