i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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