Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
