not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
