oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
