i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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