oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
